A Special Mothers Day Message

Happy Mothers Day!  Thanks Mom for teaching me to read!  Which really confused me, given all the religion and standing by your borderline Amish yet angry man stuff growing up.  Hope that works out for you!  Hope it doesn’t hurt anyone else.  No, I’m not going to call you or post to the social media profile you don’t have today.  Instead, I’ll go out and work, performing a snarky comic character that brings smiles, laughter and joy to mothers and daughters across the globe, here in Sin City itself, Las Vegas.  Yes, I know you hate sarcasm.  That’s why you promiscuously exposed me to Mark Twain, right?  Yes, we know I’m going to Hell.  At least there I’m not compelled to hate the different and suppress my mind for the greater glory of an angry and emotionally unstable god I’m instructed to fear.  (No, not your man “Dick, Don’t Call Him Richard”.  The imaginary man in the sky and alleged Oracle to … Dad.)  Also, the literature, libations and delightful company seem less … gloomy.  Happy Mothers Day!